KISAH SUAMI ISTERI

Suami: Yang Yang! Antara U dgn I, agak-agaaknya sapa mati dulu ye?

Isteri: Ish U ni! Mana boleh tahu sapa yang dulu sapa yang kendian. Mungkin I yang mati dulu. Kalu U mati dulu rasa-rasanya I tak mahu nikah lagi lah! I nak menjanda terus!

Suami: Mengapa?

Isteri" : Payah lah! Payah nak dapat yang sama macam U. Bagai mana pula kalau I mati dulu. Tak kan U nak menduda sampai mati?

Suami: Betul kata U. I tak sanggup menduda lama-lama. I ni kan lelaki.

Isteri: Baiklah. Kalau U kawin lagi, U bawa isteri baru u tu duduk dirumah kita ni lah.

Suami: Ye lah! Tak kan lah I nak beli rumah lagi . Rumah ni dah ada, cukuplah!

Isteri: Kereta sport I pun U nak kasi kat dia lah agak nya?

Suami: Betul sayang! Tak kan I nak pakai. Kan I dah Kompresor 230 tu! cukuplah I pakai yang itu. Kereta sport U tu I bagilah kat dia.

Isteri: Nanti U dengan dia pun tidur bilik ni la pulak? Katil ni la jugak?

Suami: Ish U ni! cuba fikir lojik sikit...tak kan I nak buat bilik tidur lain. Nak beli kati baru. Katil ni masih kuat.

Isteri: Betul jugak!

Isteri : Macam mana pulak dengan golf set I tu?

Suami: Golf set tak boleh bagi.

Isteri: Mengapa?

Suami: Dia kidal! ( oopps! tersasul)

Isteri: Apa?????????

LUCUNYA

Empat bakal ayah menanti dengan penuh gelisah di bilik menunggu di hospital, sementara isteri masing-masing berjuang untuk melahirkan anak.

Selang beberapa minit selepas itu, seorang jururawat keluar dan memberitahu ayah pertama, "Tahniah awak telah menjadi ayah kepada anak kembar!"

"Mungkin satu kebetulan, saya bekerja di Twin Star Enterprise" Kata ayah pertama.

Kemudian keluar jururawat lain dan memberitahu ayah kedua,"Tahniah, Encik mendapat anak kembar tiga!".

"Yahoo... mungkin satu kebetulan saya bekerja di 3M Copration," kata ayah kedua kegirangan.

Sepuluh minit selepas itu keluar jururawat lain dan memberitahu ayah ketiga, "Syabas, isteri saudara melahirkan anak kembar empat!"

"Alhamdulillah, mungkin juga satu kebetulan, saya bekerja di Four Season Hotel" katanya syukur.

Pada waktu itu ayah keempat kelihatan gelisah dan tidak menentu. Semua ayah yang menunggu bertanya: "Kenapa risau sangat?"

Jawab ayah keempat, "Saya tidak risau, cuma.... saya bekerja di Seven-eleven" katanya

***

British Hospitality

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness.

After a while and number of pints, he finds himself in a very high-class area ... big, stately residences, no pubs, no shops, no restaurants, and worst of all .. NO PUBLIC TOILETS. He really, really has to go, after all those pints of Guinness.

He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."

"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public toilet."

Ah, yes," said the Bobbie, "Just follow me".. He leads him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away SIR, anywhere you want."

The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen…manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved.

As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call "British Hospitality?"

"No sir", replied the Bobbie, "That is what we call the French Embassy."

****************

'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

A lawyer and a Chinese are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that all Chinese are so dumb that he could get over on them, easy.

So the lawyer asks if the Chinese would like to play a fun game. The Chinese is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines, and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, and says that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the Chinese's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The Earth to the Moon?'

The Chinese doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Chinese's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Chinese and hands him $500. The Chinese pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. He wakes the Chinese up and asks,

'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

The Chinese reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Strawberry Fertilizer

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.

A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?"

"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

Haha haha haha.......

Three-legged chicken

Juan was driving down a country lane in his pickup when suddenly a chicken darted into the road in front of him. He slammed on his brakes, but realized that the chicken was speeding off down the road at about 30 miles an hour. Intrigued, he tried to follow the bird with his truck, but he couldn't catch up to the accelerating chicken.

Seeing it turn into a small farm, Juan followed it. To his astonishment, he realized that the chicken had three legs. Looking around the small farm, he noticed that ALL of the
chickens had three legs.

The farmer came out of his house, and Juan said, "Three-legged chickens? That's astonishing!"

The farmer replied, "Yep. I bred 'em that way because I love drumsticks."

Juan was curious. "How does a three-legged chicken taste?"

The farmer smiled. "Dunno. Haven't been able to catch one yet."

COMPUTERS

Three Engineers In A Car

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

GOLF

Hole In One

As a young man, Norton was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty,chastity, but his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This was particularly difficult for Norton, but he agreed and was finally ordained a priest.

One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Norton woke up and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.

Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not.

"Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was a 420 yard hole in one!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied,"Who is he going to tell?"

STUDENT PILOTS

Almost a good idea;

The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!"

The attendant just looked at the pilot.

"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.

The attendant replied "True, most pilots use that airport over there."

Medical Jokes

A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is good as it used to be. What should I do?" The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.

When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"

LAWYER

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men

along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and

SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the

limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost

1 metre high!'

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. Also, don't sent this to your good lawyer !!


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DON'T EAT GRASS